I don't know why I feel the need to post this here, but I just screwed up today. I somehow got into the position of being a guest performer at this small competition and if you don't know me, then you won't know how much I hate performing. But weirdly enough, I didn't panic or freak out like I usually do, instead, I just thought that if I keep singing and not thinking so much about it, then I will be okay. WRONG. I completely oversang and tired out my voice before my turn (I was last). My first song was okay, but the second one was vocally challenging for me and my voice was gone halfway through the song. I guess I just need more practice performing and maybe I shouldn't have chosen a song that was so hard for me to sing, but I just thought I would be able to do it.
So yeah, I've been frustrated about that all day. It pisses me off that I still don't do well performing. Not to mention that I always find a way to put more stress on me and the people around me. Today, I forgot to bring my pick and capo. How even. So my best friend's boyfriend had to drive me back because she was performing before me and even though we got back in time, I felt so horrible. I dunno, maybe it's just a matter of getting more experience. My sister and everyone else told me that it wasn't bad, but I can't help feeling like it was terrible. My best friend told me that she thinks all the organizers and audience were blown away by my performance and her boyfriend said that my voice is so suited to sing pop songs. I have a problem with always letting the negative gain precedence. Sometimes, it's not a bad thing. To me, it's just being more realistic to expect the worst to happen so that when it actually happens, you won't feel so bad 'cause it wasn't as bad as you expected it to be. But it's a problem when after it happens, you're still dwelling on the bad. It's a problem that I've had all my life and I have no idea how to fix it. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I just know that I really need to fix it because I'm studying music, which means that I'll have so many more performance opportunities and if I keep dwelling on the negative, I'm afraid that I might actually crack one day. I really don't want to finally lose it and do something to harm me or my family and friends. I don't think it'll go that far 'cause I'm generally good at controlling my actions, but it could just as easily happen.